I’m so funny. In life and on blogs. That’s why I was thrilled to share what A Day In The Life of A Real Hollywood Mom is like for me on MomCave TV! Creator Jen Weedon let me vent, er, share my experiences. Thanks Jen Weedon and MomCave TV!
Beyond the red carpet and glamour of life in Hollywood, there are actually thousands of moms and dads bouncing from audition to audition doing what they love and hoping to make their dreams come true. This is a glimpse of what it’s like for those people, pounding pavement in pursuit of fame and family.
1. The Night Before
As most parents in Hollywood will tell you, the stress of life as an actor begins before you go to bed. You get a call or email around 8 at night that you have an audition the next day. Right during your child’s nap time or after school activity. Perfect. So while you are excited about the prospect of being a working actor, you start calling every babysitter or friend you know hoping someone can watch your child. Only to find out no one is available and you have to take your kid with you to the audition/life-changing job interview. Yay.
2. The Day Begins
You get to go on an audition today and be an actor! But you stayed up way too late the night before going over your script so you are exhausted. Plus your little Nugget woke up several times during the night because she wanted her night light on. Then off. Then back on. So now no amount of coffee in the world will bring you the energy you need to play “Wacky Waitress” in that new racially balanced NBC sitcom.
3. Your Face
This is also the day your hormones have decided to fuck with your face. They know you need to be on camera and look presentable so they decide to push out every red patch and zit they can to ensure you look like a teenager and not the age-appropriate “Wacky Waitress” you’re supposed to be. You slather on a pound of Mac hoping no one notices. (They will.)
4. Cue the Meltdown
Your child does not want to go to an audition. She wants to go to Disneyland. Or the park. Or preschool. Anywhere but where you need to go. And now is the time she’s decided to come between you and your career. You beg. You plead. You promise things you can’t possibly deliver and finally she calms down. (Note: Schedule a playdate with Elsa) Just in time for you to drag your stressed ass out of the car and into the casting office.
5. The Audition
Obviously you crush it because you are a super mom.
6. Day Dreams
On the way home you day dream about your Oscar speech while your tot drifts off to sleep. Or Emmy speech. Whichever one comes first, you don’t care because you just overcame all odds and rocked that audition. You are certain you’ll be an inspiration to millions of moms and young girls everywhere. You wonder when they’ll call to give you the good news that you got the part.
7. The Crazies
You start to check your phone obsessively wondering if it’s broken because they haven’t called yet. Did they see how you mimed that pen in your hand? Or the way your voice went up at the end of that question…”Can I get you anything ELSE?” Maybe they’re trying to figure out how to get you more money. Yeah. That’s probably it.
8. Not Going Any Further
It’s night time again, and you’ve heard nothing. Surely they would have called by now, it films tomorrow. The phone betrays you with it’s silence. You’ve ambled through the dinner, bath and bedtime routine wondering who got the part. It probably went to Melissa McCarthy. Again. You vow to quit the business so you can focus on your other passion, full-time beer tasting.
9. A New Hope
As you tuck your little one into bed, you look in her big blue eyes and hope one day she picks a career that’s not based on luck, looks, youth and number of Twitter followers. Maybe she’ll be a nun. Then you check your phone before hitting the sack and see you have another audition for tomorrow. And in that split second before panic mode takes over, you stop and realize this is the best news you’ve heard all day. You get a chance to act again. To show your daughter what it means to follow your dreams. And there’s nothing else in the world you’d rather be doing.
