This article will not have as many pictures as I had hoped it would. Or video. That’s because when I went to the LA Style Fashion Week event on Friday night, someone stole my camera. But that wasn’t the worst thing that happened.
I also flashed my backside to everyone at the event.
Now I know what you’re thinking, but Heather that sounds like a crazy night! It was. Here’s what went down.
I was happily hanging with my friend Heather feeling like a boss. We were taking pictures on the red carpet and interviewing guests like Meredith O’Connor as they arrived for the event. I was wearing a fabulous green dress from ModCloth that made me feel like a human person and not a mom bag of mush.
But in typical Brooker style, things went south quickly. Heather and I were sipping champagne and waiting for the fashion show to start.
Truthfully I know nothing about fashion except that just because it fits doesn’t mean I have to buy it. That’s pretty much my mantra.
I was really excited to be included in an actual fashion show with designers like Commatteo, Shahida Parides, and Moods of Norway and get some insights into this industry. It was my first fashion show and I was feeling fly!
We were standing at a table when we decided to buck the fashion norm and eat something. Heather went in search of food and I put my camera bag on top of the table to make sure I didn’t lose it. Ugh. I took a few steps to check out the line that was forming for seats and someone recognized me from the red carpet and started chatting with me. Yes, I’m that famous.
We talked about fashion, what we were looking forward too and how some of the outfits around us were questionable. That’s when Heather arrived with some cold egg rolls and we ate them like starving wolves, much to the dismay of the models around us.
After hanging for a few minutes we were told the show was about to start and we should take our seats. We sat down just a few steps away from the table we were at and I realized I needed to grab my camera bag. Heather went over to get it, but it was gone. Someone had taken it off the table. We looked everywhere and asked everyone around, but nobody saw anything.
Now some might say, hey dummy that was your fault for putting it on the table and walking away for a few minutes. And to that I say, good point. HOWEVER, who the hell steals a camera bag in a society where everyone has a freakin camera?? The idea that someone saw the bag, knew it wasn’t theirs, and snatched it makes my blood boil.
It put a big shit on the evening. I couldn’t even enjoy the hot Norwegian models in Moods of Norway short shorts.
I think what really upsets me about the fact it was stolen is how many pictures of Channing were on that camera. Easily thousands of pics of her. Plus everything I’ve shot for MIH, including all the fashion show interviews. It makes me so angry that some idiot felt the need to take something that didn’t belong to them and is now probably jerking off to all my pictures.
I assume that’s what they’re doing anyway. In reality Chris thinks they probably ditched the SD card and are snapping their own pictures all over town. It makes my skin crawl.
But not as much as what happened next. Defeated and disappointed, Heather and I cut out early to go get some real food. We walked around the runway, past the crowd and to the lobby before someone called out to me, “Hey, your dress is tucked up and your butt is showing!”
Ex-squeeze me? Immediately all the blood rushed to my face as I reached around and felt spanx where my dress should be. I had just mooned the entire fashion show. Why does this shit happen to me??
Every time I think I’m looking good, or feeling like a baller karma quickly reminds me that I’m not. I’m a goofy, awkward, mouthy mama who has no business trying to be cool. I hear you mother earth.
My only consolation in all of this is that maybe the person who stole my camera then saw me flash my spanx to the LA fashion crowd and snapped a pic of it. Then one day it will surface on E! or TMZ under, “Stars, they’re just like us!” and we’ll all have a good laugh.
That could happen right?
Meantime, I’m on the hunt for a new camera. Recommendations welcome 🙂