I’m so nervous. I wonder if she’s nervous… Probably not. She was really cool at the grocery store. Like too cool. I wonder if she’s a Vegan? Or super into recycling? She’s probably gonna know right away that I’m exactly the opposite of that. The “uncool” mom who eats meat and rarely recycles. Okay, now stop it! That stuff shouldn’t matter. Get it out of your head right now. This will be a great first date! She asked for your number so that’s a good sign. If it’s meant to be, it will be. She was so nice and normal. I really hope it’s meant to be. I don’t know how many more mom dates I can go on. It’s so hard, especially for moms of a certain age, to find “the one”. I feel lucky that she even agreed to go on this date with me. Two moms, with two girls the same age playing at a park near our houses. This date sounds so perfect it should be on Hallmark!

Should I wear jeans? No. Too fancy. Black or grey sweatpants? The black ones smell less offensive so let’s go with those. I really wish I had a better bra. She looked like she had a great bra. Like she took some time to pick one out that didn’t make her boobs look like long shoulders. We’ll laugh about how much I thought about her bra in a few years when we’re best friends. I need to go to Lane Bryant.

Crap, I’m going to be late! Okay, skipping the makeup, not skipping the deodorant. Brushing the teeth, not brushing the hair. Ponytail. She won’t care right? We’ll just be a couple of harried moms who rushed out for a play date and didn’t have time to put ourselves together. I hope. Oh God what if she’s wearing jeans and makeup? Then I’ll look like I didn’t give an eff about this date or put any time into it. Maybe just some concealer then. And a shirt without words on it.

You have to poop now?? I’ve asked this kid 3 times this morning if she had to poop and she decides the minute we’re walking out the door that it’s time to drop a biscuit. Potty training is the worst! But man I’m proud of her. Look at how grown-up she is sitting on the potty, grinning about her poo. I’m gonna give her a big kiss, right after I spray some essential oils. Now for some gentle pushing after hand washing because we gotta go!

I think I’ll wait a bit before mentioning how much I like Star Trek and Outlander. Mmmm…Outlander… Focus. There are a few subtle questions I need to ask before laying that nerd bomb on her. I don’t want to scare her off. She could be the one! The one I call to vent about moms at school. The one who co-coaches the girls soccer team with me. The one I call to say “Is my daughter at your house? Then where are they??” and we have our Girls Just Want To Have Fun moment. I cannot wait!

Crap, I’m early. That’s okay. It will give me a chance to scope out a good park squat spot. Close enough to see the jungle gym, but far enough away from the sand box that always finds it’s way into my coffee. Why do they even have a sand box at the park? We’re in LA can’t they just go to the beach to play with sand? Oh, there she is! Sweatpants, yes! Okay, try to be cool. Start with something witty and make her laugh. Do NOT say, “fancy meeting you here.” Maybe a funny potty story. Yeah! Like the one that just happened when you were rushing to your date. That’ll warm her up. Then she will be your mom friend forever! No pressure. Stop staring. We have the same backpack! Eeeek! Don’t eff this up. Your entire parenting happiness is riding on this mom date…

I’m glad I didn’t skip the deodorant.

(This article originally appeared in the Huffington Post)

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